A few weeks ago I was reading someone’s entry about writer’s block being not the inability to write but hating everything written. (Was that you, Dean?)
I get both, really. Sometimes I just can’t think of *anything* to write, and usually that’s when I’m mentally/emotionally exhausted by something or other.
Then there are phases where I get the “everything I’m writing is utter crap, drivel, tripe, cliched, flat, boring, lame…” you get the idea. That’s what I’ve got right now.
What I really love about NaNoWriMo is it gives me permission to hate everything I’m writing, and still keep going. The most important thing anyone can do in any kind of effort is to just keep going. Just keep swimming, just keep swimming… and eventually whatever it is that is ‘wrong’ will sort itself out and you’ll get back to a place where you’re in the groove, the muse is happy, the words are flowing.
Trying to write every day can be very hard when you hate what you’re writing. Forcing yourself to keep pushing through this kind of block is very exhausting because you’re not getting the same kind of payoff that you normally get from the hard work.
NaNo gives you permission to write utter crap, to hate it all, to detest ever word that falls from your fingers… and just keep going. Something I really hate doing.
This is why I really hate NaNoWriMo, because I want to ‘win’, I mean most people do have some urge to hit the finish line, especially when the only person you’re really competing against is yourself. But I never do. I never get to 50,000 words. I always get hung-up somewhere, either I can’t seem to get over the fact I hate what I’ve written so I keep trying to go back and edit and revise and change things instead of just keeping on, or because I have less and less time as work picks up because we’re getting closer to the end of the year and there’s a big push to get so much done, or because I just can’t seem to get the full 1,667 words out, and as each day goes by I fall a bit further behind that 50,000 word goal…
So it’s a little hard on the psyche to watch yourself get further behind, and it’s a little harder on the psyche to bash out any old jumble of words that you hate, and it’s even harder to know that because it’s so bad you’re never going to show anyone so what’s the point anyway!?
Yeah… I definitely have a love-hate relationship with NaNo. But it isn’t really NaNo that I hate… it’s editing. It’s revising. I honestly have no idea how to do it, not really.
No one writes a perfect first draft. But I’ve never figured out how to move beyond one! I mean yes, I do revise *a little*… change a word, maybe rearrange a paragraph, but I’ve never really grasped the idea of how to really go through and revise a story or a novel. It’s one of those utterly foreign and really a little terrifying concepts that just sort of hangs out there, threateningly on the horizon of writing.
So I love NaNo for giving me leave to write with wild abandon, and I hate NaNo for constantly reminding me what I *lack* as a writer.
And I thought up an idea. And I’m already 1,000 words behind.
But I’ll do it again anyway. I might not post it, though. That remains to be seen.
What about you guys? What’s the hardest part of what you love doing? What’s the one thing you struggle with in your own endeavors? What’s something you feel you just never got the hang of?